First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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