Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
