Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think im going to throw up on grandma
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
