Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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