I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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