She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
