i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
