I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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