if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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