Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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