im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
