we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
