hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
