Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
