I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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