saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
