Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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