i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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