Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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