This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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