my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Help. Why am I so naked?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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