They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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