apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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