Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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