A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize