So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
