that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
