Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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