i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
