He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
