11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
