whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
