Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
