dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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