i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize