You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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