:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
