we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How's work?
Spinning.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
