Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
