yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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