Ambien. No doubt about it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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