The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
