I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize
