I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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