is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Floor bacon is actually really good
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
