I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
