I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You made out with two different species that night
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
