I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
