dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
