Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
