i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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