Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize