he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize