lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
