i jhust puked up my retainher.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
