he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't notice because vodka
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
