I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
