My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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