I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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