I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
