No stitches, just platelets and will power
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
