Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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