I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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