Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
